Barack Obama - Profile by The Onion

Issues:
Pro-hopes, also supports dreams

Favorite Way To Mollify Supporters:
Nodding solemnly while gripping podium

Political Experience:
(2005–) Junior Senator from Illinois. Working directly under Senior Senator Richard Durbin himself, duties included fact-checking and copyediting the 2006 highway appropriations amendment bill. Member, Illinois State Senate (1997-2004)

Difficulty Catching A Cab:
Moderate

Personal Best For Getting Digits:
32 seconds

Odds Of Pop-Locking During Inauguration:
1 in 12